wtf?

right. why not a story about how to look for the fire exits instead of the bathrooms if you get to a show early. that way you won't die if there's a fire. i think that's a better reminder. hmmm?

the article's for a classical show, but let's write one for bowery ballroom:

"if you're not used to going to see shows standing up, try to concentrate on not backing up slowly over the course of the show, annoying the person behind you. chances are, if you are not consciously thinking about *not* backing up, then you are.

"and yes, find a good route to the bathroom. or do that beforehand. thanks."

hey, for the bowery info...

why not say something like, "during instrumental performances, such as Explosions in the Sky, please refrain from being an absolute moron by cheering loudly and screaming 'YEAH' during the softer parts of songs...especially after a climactic part has just ended.

bowery hipsters ruined my explosions experience.

explosions in the sky ruined my bowery hipster experience.

"bowery hipsters ruined my explosions experience."

Bowery hipsters don't yell. It was the Columbia & NYU frat boys making all the racket.

columbia kids don't know where the bowery is, or anything below 110th for that matter.

"don't sit down between the first and second acts, unless it's truly empty."

really, i would like to write this book.

"if someone leaves to go to the bathroom, unless they are a major asshole, please let them back in their spot when they come back.

"corollary: don't be an asshole."

"if someone's smoking weed, don't embarrass yourself by loudly talking about how, wow, someone's smoking weed."

"if someone's pissing you off, don't call them a hipster. then you lose the argument just like if you called them hitler."

A good rule of thumb is to offer those in your immediate vicinity a hit of your joint. I think it's only good manners.

I went to Columbia and the only thing I did above 110th St was go to class.

But that was 10 years ago, I think there is a much higher concentration of douches in the student body now...

How about: "If you and your partner are going to make out like horny 13 year olds, GO HOME. Don't hog up prime real estate and don't block other people's view."

This is for the drunk asses who are headbangin in front of me and coming close to knocking my front teeth out....Control Thy Neck or I will Control My Foot in Thee Ass!!

Good point Josh. Does Godwin's Law say anything regarding "hipsters." If not, I now propose the motion to debate "Vegan's Law".

While we are at it...
Don't be an asshole and push your way past me like you are going somewhere and then stop right in front of me, especially if you are taller than me.
Also, good rule of thumb, don't be a group of assholes and try to get to the front of the stage following each other through the full crowd.

"dancing must match the packedness of the crowd. if everyone is politely sardined together, you don't have to jump up and down to prove you're the superfan."

"don't take cell phone pictures through the entire show. pick a couple moments and call it a day."

sez anonymous:
"A good rule of thumb is to offer those in your immediate vicinity a hit of your joint. I think it's only good manners."

i say:
i can think of no good reason why this is a good rule of thumb, but i certainly agree with it.