Posted in music on January 14, 2009

the following was posted to Ryan's Tumblr...

Ryan Adams

me- 34-a non smoker and happy, for the first time in my life.. i am excited to finish this wonderful time i have had with the cardinals and whatever new adventures may come after march. atlanta will be my last venture with the band and i am grateful for the time we have had and maybe someday we will have more stories to tell together. i am however ready for quieter times as i think it is very evident i am struggling with some balance and hearing issues.

also, no drama or anything but i am okay to step back from all of this right now and i think i did enough manic blogging when i felt alone and isolated during the last few years of travel. these last few years were the hardest i can remember and the most rewarding but i have loved ones to care for now and i am lucky i have been given a chance to turn around and see just what i am capable of as a friend and as someone who is not gone forever every year- it rendered me incapable of things i needed to be to myself and others- and my schedule sometimes never ended when the shows did- and some of that was my doing. and i lost someone i loved, and i lost myself.

that changed. i got to know just who i am in this little spell of time here recently. and change is the nature of the world and i naturally embrace that.

i won't be blogging here anymore either- but not for effect- it just is not being kind to myself- i need a life that is mine- i need to grow up and grow in to who i have subtly been working back towards since i stopped all that nonsense and i know also no matter what i choose to do in the music world, because i chose to do things my way and never lie i will always be viewed as an "asshole" ( i hear and have seen things in the past) and i am not, and i know the truth and i know who i am.

continued below...

Ryan Adams

also it is kind of ridiculous to blog as i am a musician and anything i say here just gets reprinted at some point out of context. i say NOT FAIR but it doesn't matter what i say anymore or what is fair anymore really does it- the 21st century media has it's own rules about what is true and what is not. it is not a life- not one i want to live anyway and i don't really care to participate in narcissistic over-indulgent behavior anymore- that was never my intention- i just wanted to fight for my right to make music and to be given the benefit of the doubt. now, because i have stood up for myself and fought for myself i am labeled all kinds of awful things. well, i will walk away now and it will not matter what anyone say's. there are other things i can do in this life, other ways to be creative and to try and help others and be expressive without being demonized for attempting to gain the same things any other human being desires- love- friendship- understanding- and being able to express yourself without constant fear of being mistreated for speaking up

i have friends to make, brand new books coming (two of em' not counting that one already printed and on it's way out there and i LOVE writing....yay!) and a whole lot of living and learning to do.

i am excited to step away. i lost more than anyone will ever know (hearing, someone i loved, my sense of dignity, a never ending losing battle with stage fright and now my hearing and balance due to an inner ear issue- people accusing me of not being sober when i am suffering tremendous pain and nausea from my inner ear symptoms- people accusing me of theft (THEFT- ....awful) and this is not much of a life, not glamorous like those ridiculous video's a long time ago television played and no it is not monetarily as rewarding as people would like you to believe and yes, it is soul destroying. especially when you spend your life trying to write about the really difficult stuff and you stand there losing your way and people yell at you like you were in a circus. when it was your dream to matter and you realize one day, it never mattered- i mean, i am a punch-line and a footnote in what is worse to yell at someone besides "free-bird". i mean, i lost. and it's okay because i seriously snuck some pretty neat idea's in there in the work when i was making those mistakes or they were being made by others. this business is no science.

andf you know, whatever this is- it's not my dream. and it is a punishing thing to endure when you are getting worse and worse- it's not my dream, my dream was to try and tap into that energy i saw watching Minutemen vcr tapes when i was just a little shit in NC of mike watt's crazy shaking leg and his electric fingers- or how sonic youth droned into beautiful clouds those guitars shaking, kim and steve rattling the pulsing lines into feverish thudding imaginary subway cars racing through my heart- and how it felt to just let go and static up a riff and find the sweet spot- but getting yelled at for just being a songwriter- to be called so many horrid things because i chose to love music so much, and also to look for peace and balance in my life- that is not kindness and just not my thing. at least not now.

and i loved somebody. and i let others decided if that was okay and that was wrong and i was wrong and no one should deny themselves or others love or understanding because people don't get it. that was an awful mistake. i always make big mistakes. it's like i let myself learn that because that was a role, a niche' i filled that make sense to a loud voice of strangers who would never really play a real part in my life.

never become that if you choose this path- if you go this route with your art. never listen to those loud dissatisfied bystanders who only want to see you fail because that will be entertaining for that moment. hold fast to your dreams, hold faster to your heart and never step out of the light of that love that made you whole. i did. and i know better now. and better late than never i suppose.

but i am okay now. i see a peaceful way to better days now. i am healing. and most importantly i feel loved and i have learned to treat myself with that same curiosity and lover that i have been lucky enough to feel and to learn to let guide my life. love is the great teacher and i am happy to be learning now. happy to be listening to that over this never ending painful ringing. this is the great lesson of my life. for once i want to be dignified in my study and in one place long enough to hear and understand without my pride or my lack of faith in myself leading me further away from things i need to know once and for all.

this is the real work now. the rest is something else entirely.

quitting smoking was a good step and i am happy i also am just now beginning to understand how important it is i take better care of myself in every way right now. hell i am even beginning to sleep a little and i can feel the things good and bad that i did not have time to feel when i was running towards a new oblivion of work, hoping somehow someday what i did would be accepted and maybe that would make me feel loved. how foolish.

that is not love. love is being accepted for who you are. love is taking care of yourself and caring for others and dreaming out loud when it matters. not chasing rainbows. not hoping for some eventual collective sigh of approval which will never come. how did i ever think in those terms? i always knew better. thank goodness i know now how to be honest with myself.

anyway, enjoy these shows ( i will enjoy them immensely and i will miss them just as much) and know that i am not abandoning anyone, not the cardinals and not the fans, this is just something i need to do now, and that i loved playing music in the cardinals and hell, even before i was in a place to try and learn to be well, music was my life source- and cardinals was such a heavy crush and a real dream...i honor it too much to have any regrets right now, i am just proud.

maybe we will play again sometime and maybe i will work my way back into some kind of music situation but this is the time for me to step back now, to reel it in and i wish everyone peace and happiness and if music is your dream, or if just dreaming is your dream, may you find your way through the rough patch with ease and i hope you let go and it takes you all the way there-

loving kindness to all.

R

Ryan Adams - 2009 Tour Dates
Jan 25 - Fremantle Arts Centre Fremantle, Western Australia
Jan 27 - Tivoli Brisbane
Jan 29 - Enmore Theater Sydney
Jan 30 - Forum Theater Melbourne
Jan 31 - The Forum Melbourne, Victoria
Feb 3 - Opera House Wellington
Feb 4 - Powerstation Auckland
Feb 20 - Shubert Theater New Haven, Connecticut
Feb 21 - Orpheum Theater Boston, Massachusetts
Feb 22 - Wellmont Theater Montclair, New Jersey
Feb 26 - Missouri Theater Columbia, Missouri
Feb 27 - Uptown Theatre Kansas City, Kansas
Feb 28 - Brady Theater Tulsa, Oklahoma
Mar 2 - Abraham Chavez Theater El Paso, Texas
Mar 4 - Majestic Theatre San Antonio, Texas
Mar 5 - River Center Performing Arts Theater Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Mar 6 - Alabama Theatre Birmingham, Alabama
Mar 8 - Langerado Miami, Florida
Mar 9 - Florida Theatre Jacksonville, Florida
Mar 11 - North Charleston Performing Arts Center No. Charleston, South Carolina
Mar 12 - Township Auditorium Columbia, South Carolina
Mar 14 - War Memorial Nashville, Tennessee
Mar 15 - War Memorial Nashville, Tennessee
Mar 16 - Palace Theatre Louisville, Kentucky
Mar 18 - Minglewood Hall Memphis, Tennessee
Mar 19 - Saenger Theatre Mobile, Alabama
Mar 20 - Fox Theatre Atlanta, Georgia

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Tags: Ryan Adams

Comments (51)

Sounds like some 14 year old girl hacked his blog.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 3:26 PM

everything i do...i do it for you........


* Prince of Thieves was an awesome movie.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 3:29 PM

Wow...he really did say this:


"i don't really care to participate in narcissistic over-indulgent behavior anymore"

Other than killing himself I don't know....

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 3:30 PM

Blah Blah Blah, Whaaaa whaaaa.....LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Wipe the sand out of your pussy and shut the fuck up, Ryan Adams.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 3:32 PM

so emo.

wait a sec, so this is not the guy from the robin hood movie??

Posted by Spine-führer of Hoboken | January 14, 2009 3:35 PM

I think the Bryan Adams jokes show a lack of intelligence and are more than played out. If this is true it is a sad day for music.

Posted by dearimpossible | January 14, 2009 3:54 PM

i don't really care what this dude has to say, does anyone?

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 3:59 PM

Whiskeytown reunion?!

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:01 PM

Unfortunately the lame Brian Adams jokes are in line with the reasons he wants to quit. I don't believe for a second he will, but if he did I would be pretty bummed even though the last couple of albums have been pretty weak. I thought and hoped he was going to make halloween in nyc a tradition.

Posted by anonymous2 | January 14, 2009 4:11 PM

"I think the Bryan Adams jokes show a lack of intelligence"
How so dearimpossible? Because you don't think these jokes are funny? Dude set himself up for years worth of these jokes after throwing that dude out of a show for loudly requesting 'Summer of 69''. Yeah the joke is sooo like 5 years ago but, who cares? The world will still turn, happily, while The junior Mr. Adams is on vacay. I liked that Rock n' Roll album better than any of his other "alt country" stuff... But still not that much... Yeah I said it.

Posted by Rw | January 14, 2009 4:14 PM

remember when jens lekman quit music? he was back in under a year.

ryan probably needs to refresh and rest a bit. he's been pounding out the songs for over a decade now.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:21 PM

I don't think the Brian Adams jokes are funny and I tell a lot of stupid shitty jokes. So the name sounds similar ha ha?. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that the joke equates Ryan's music to Brian's music which I would consider an insult (to both artists) and dearimpossible considers it a lack of intelligence, which could very well be true (especially if they really believe that Ryan wrote the Prince of Thieves theme).

Posted by anonymous2 | January 14, 2009 4:29 PM

ryan adams needs to quit, at least for a while. he's made a lot of albums, but none have much versatility or substance. just a whole lotta nothin. he should take time off and then maybe come back with a more valuable, more meaningful album.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:30 PM

are we seriously having this conversation here? people like ryan adams? really?

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:35 PM

He could have just wrote "Be Back Later" so I could have done something else with that last 5 minutes of my life

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:40 PM

Why has everyone always hated this guy? I still like him.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:47 PM

Any word on a NYC stop on that tour? There's a couple of days in his schedule between Jersey & Missouri....

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:56 PM

thats what im saying russ

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:56 PM

Here's the thing--the number of words he types out to convey a feeling is a lot like the number of albums he's released--"extra". I don't hate him I just think he needs a bit of a filter. I mean everything in your life, every process, feeling, insecurity does NOT have to be public. And the fact that he doesn't realize that after 34 years is what makes me feel apathetic.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 4:57 PM

In time, Ryan Adams will be remembered as a great songwriter and musician.

Too those who get off on being condescending judgmental pricks - Have a nice day.

Posted by bmcquil | January 14, 2009 5:05 PM

Ryan Adams is one of the best songwriters out there. Nothing more needs to be said. Be well and hope the time away treats you well.

Posted by tim | January 14, 2009 5:20 PM

Is this a cry for help?

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 5:24 PM

the only analogue to mr. adams in entertainment is brett favre.

a brilliant, if erratic, virtuoso.

completely self-absorbed and obsessed with how others view him.

and, finally, the perpetual drama of "will i stay or will i go?"

i guess another analogue is Hamlet.

Posted by joe | January 14, 2009 6:02 PM

i guess tons of bands take hiatus's and breaks (rhcp are taking a year off....wtf has interpol done they barely toured for a love to admire).... it just feels weird i guess when such a prolific solo artist such as ryan takes a break. he'll be back.

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 7:01 PM

Summer of '69!

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 7:19 PM

finally, I never have to hear him again

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 7:38 PM

VIA RYAN'S BLOG:


"Of course everything i said got taken out of context.

as always,

i did not say i was quitting i said i was taking a step back…

so thanks…..thanks again"

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 7:39 PM

Wow. Ryan Adams in the Cards are definitely one of my favorite bands and I'm very sad to hear the news. I even check his blog occasionally.

I guess I can understand him taking some time after all of these years, but I feel really bad for his band. Just starting to get some great press and Ryan "takes a break" / quits. Talk about a lack of job security!

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 8:47 PM

did he give up prozac for the new year as well?

Posted by Anonymous | January 14, 2009 10:58 PM

His career has been erratic, but Heartbreaker, Jacksonville City Nights, and Cold Roses are some of the best albums of our day. Love the man.

Posted by Rob | January 14, 2009 11:50 PM

^^^it's unbelievable that he put out cold roses (an incredible double album), jacksonville city nights (amazing... probably my favorite album of his) and 29 all in one year. that's basically like 4 albums in a year (b/c cold roses is the length of 2).

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 12:32 AM

"I think the Bryan Adams jokes show a lack of intelligence"
How so dearimpossible? Because you don't think these jokes are funny?

Hmmm, because it doesn't take much of a brain to realize that the two names sound the name and to constantly bring up "Summer of 69". I mean, really. It is so stupid and juvenille- unless you have the humor of a 15 year old.

"which I would consider an insult (to both artists"

Frankly, I think it's only an insult to Ryan's music.

We will just have to wait and see what happens.

Posted by dearimpossible | January 15, 2009 1:09 AM

Reguardless of what you think of this guy, he's written some of the most important music of the last 20 years. Its ok not to like him, but the music speaks for itself

Posted by Jason Misrahi | January 15, 2009 3:35 AM

The Eagles will beat the Cardinals!

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 8:11 AM

Ryan Adams quits music and nobody cares. Makes sense.

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 8:33 AM

stupid pointless blog comment

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 9:06 AM

ryan adams-fucking untalented douche!

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 10:46 AM

the word is analogy, joe - analogy

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 11:05 AM

This Adams guy seems like kind of a pussy.

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 11:08 AM

he must really want us to leave britney alone. it doesn't sound like he's joking this time.

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 11:32 AM

I can't wait for his next blog post in 6 weeks ... He always does this.

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 11:47 AM

Regardless of your taste, it takes courage & guts for anybody to put themselves out there on the line with their craft like Ryan Adams does. He's worked hard to get what he wants & loves out of his life. Give him some credit. Don't hate. Relate.

Posted by GoEasy! | January 15, 2009 4:57 PM

wow. hahahahahahHAHAHAHAHhahahahHAHAHAH.
why the FUCK was this spread out as it fucking was.
i was FUCKING AROUND. you fans better stop taking shit seriously or else i'm REALLY gonna fucking quit.
thank. you.
and fuck off

R

Posted by Anonymous | January 15, 2009 5:04 PM

Love you to death Ryan, thanks for the awesome show with The Cardinals at the Wellmont in NJ, get well and happy engagement.

Posted by Pattie | February 25, 2009 11:27 AM

Why has everyone always hated this guy? I still like him.

Posted by Massachusetts | March 20, 2010 9:01 AM

Ryan Adams quits music and nobody cares. Makes sense.

Posted by ItIsChic | September 15, 2010 2:18 AM

Been checking around and that is by far my favorite article on this. Preserve doing what you do!

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