Posted in music | pictures on March 2, 2011

words & photos by Gabi Porter

Bruise Cruise 2011

You are all going to hate us. I fully expect the comments section to light up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center with all kinds of vitriolic bile and hummus inflected hatred, but you know what, we won't care because we had fun. Four hundred garage rock fans gathered from all over the world in Miami last Friday and boarded the Carnival Imagination cruise ship bound for the Bahamas, and had a giant party on the high seas full of fruity, candy-colored drinks, unlimited belly-busting buffets, hot tubs and music. Dazed hipsters and music fans wandered the Lido Deck in their jorts and tattoos, clutching their Hermann Hesse novels looking for a little shade poolside, while family vacationers stared and asked, "What's going on?" The [sold out] Bruise Cruise is what happened, and it was like summer camp for alcoholic indie rock fans, all who became friends by the end of the weekend.

Although they only played one blistering set at Senor Frogs on Saturday night in the Bahamas - if you don't count the pre-party in Miami on Thursday night, and we're choosing not to remember that horrible horrible place with the $8 beers - The Black Lips were like all the other bands' cooler older brothers. They stirred up their signature good-time chaos, drank more than everyone, partied harder, and managed to keep the peace all at the same time. Jared Swilley said he was looking forward to a weekend with no internet, no email, no computer, "I have our new album on my laptop, if I brought it with me I'd get drunk and start burning copies for everyone." Instead he tried to go down the waterslide in his underpants, where he was thwarted by a diminutive attendant who wouldn't let him on in his skivvies, despite pleas of, "This *is* my bathing suit! I'm European!" [In Beach Fossils fashion] he later threw his bass off the back of the ship during a clandestine music video shoot. Cole Alexander looked like he won big at the casino. And Ian St Pe jumped on a table with his guitar at the final dinner and was chased out of the formal dining room, only to return disguised in a baseball cap. Joe Bradley was scheduled to play piano at 2am on Sunday at the Mirage Piano Bar - "I'm really looking forward to that! I never get to play piano for people." - he showed up with pomaded hair and a tux and played a very dapper set, Maker's Mark in hand.

If The Black Lips were like older brothers, then Thee Oh Sees were the cooler older cousins who used to be troublemakers, but have settled down with nothing to prove because they've already proven themselves. John Dwyer and company may not have brought bathing suits, lounging poolside in jeans with beers in hand, but they were "mowing them down, cutting that spring grass!" as one "Bruiser" pointed out as they melted everyone's sun-addled minds on our final day at sea. Their first set early on Friday afternoon was just a warm-up. On Sunday early-evening, fueled by an open bar, they played the second to last set of the festival to a full gilded chrome ballroom. It might have been the best set we saw all weekend (admittedly I also heard someone say that about pretty much every set this weekend, but you know what, everything was pretty damn good). Drummer Mike Shoun said he was just trying to hit really really hard, and indeed he did, nearly coming off his drum stool more than once.

Ty Segall

Surfer Blood and their buddies (and festival co-organizers) Turbo Fruits teamed up for a Sunday brunch set in the - wait for it - Shangri La Lounge. Clutching danishes and mimosas some said Turbo Fruits, with lead singer Jonas Stein losing his voice, was the best set of the weekend (see above). I spent the cruise with Surfer Blood's janglier live version of the vaguely tropical "Take it Easy" on replay in my head, arguably the cruise's theme song. JP from Surfer Blood chatted with me after their sparsely attended first set on board on Saturday afternoon, as everyone jumped ship and rented scooters to hit the island (this may be the last time Surfer Blood play to a room of 30 people).

I asked what the band thought when they were asked to participate in the Bruise Cruise, "We thought it was a cool idea, and we thought it was either going to be really cool or a complete and total disaster. But if you think about it that's kind of like how ATP started in the UK. I mean they took over a holiday park or something. It was a little bit cheesy, a little bit family oriented and they turned it into, you know, like a total party. And they've been doing it forever." When we asked how they felt about their sparsely attended set on Saturday he said, "If I had to pick between seeing a young band we kind of like, or going out to explore the Bahamas, I'd be pretty torn. We're playing again tomorrow anyway."

More about "tomorrow" (and the rest of the cruise) coming soon. Pictures from the pre-party and the first day, continue below...

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Pre-Party in Miami

Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

The Black Lips

Day 1

Bruise Cruise 2011

Kickball Katy of the Vivian Girls

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Bruise Cruise 2011

Ty Segall

Ty Segall

Ty Segall

Ty Segall

Ty Segall

Thee Oh Sees

Thee Oh Sees

Thee Oh Sees

Thee Oh Sees

Thee Oh Sees

Thee Oh Sees

Thee Oh Sees

Thee Oh Sees

to be continued....

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Comments (99)

Haha I just walked in on my little bro jerking off to the pics in this post.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 12:57 PM

paging carles. paging carles.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:00 PM

I wonder at what point in their lives these people will realize the ironic tattoos on their chest are permanent. And you thought you parents (who pay all of your bills) were embarrassed by the way their hair looked in their yearbook photos...

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:04 PM


Great Job!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:04 PM

Everyone who got into that hot tub now has herpes

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:09 PM

This ice cream sundae is for life!!!!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:10 PM

Wow, lame.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:15 PM

Looks like fun. I would have loved to have been there if I didn't hate those bands so much.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:15 PM

Tattoos are for Jocks.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:16 PM

Does anyone know of any tattoo removal technology companies that can be invested in?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:17 PM

It's fun to play dress-up. I'm a seaman.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:17 PM

The two gay guys with the sailor hats are way corny....

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:18 PM

"I fully expect the comments section to light up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center with all kinds of vitriolic bile and hummus inflected hatred"


No, this seems like it was fun. Pretty much crap bands, but I'm sure a good time had by all.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:19 PM

Good point 1:17, once the skin starts to lose it's elasticity, these folks will be looking even sillier.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:19 PM

So this is what you call "hipsters" spring break or wait I guess they don't even work....

just some vacation with using daddy's $$$

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:19 PM

When are guys going to learn to trim or shave their pit hair? We women do the work where it matters. It's about time guys return the favor...

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:20 PM

It's official. NYC music scene is now the L.A. of the '80's. You all look fucking the same and these bands with are being photocopied faster than the ass cheeks on the xerox machine in She Devil...

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:20 PM

Open challenge to all BV commenters to convince me I had a bad time on this cruise. Do your worst!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:22 PM

If I had to spend weekend with these tools or as a matter of fact seeing them every day (in hipsterville....williamsburg/bushwick), I would literally throw hummus at them.

P.S.
You are all going to hate us. I fully expect the comments section to light up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center with all kinds of vitriolic bile and hummus

Yes, Gaby. We know you're a hipster and we don't care that you have $$$ from your parents. Thank you.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:23 PM

Looking at these pics while sitting here in my cubicle makes me wish I had a trust fund and was in a really shitty, painfully generic 60s garage rock band. I'd totally hit some of those slutty hipster chicks.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:26 PM

The guy in that first picture... just in awe right now.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:29 PM

If you begin an article with, "You are all going to hate us.", then why bother to WRITE THE F--KING STORY IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU KNOW THAT NOBODY WILL GIVE A F--K ABOUT YOU OR YOUR "FUN"??!?!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:29 PM

@122, I banged your mom until she squirted while you were gone. It was on your shitty kitchen counter too.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:30 PM

what happened? how long have i been asleep?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:31 PM

TURBO FRUITS and BEACH FOSSILS suck!!!!!!!!! WAVVES is the best

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:34 PM

lighten up, ass fcks. jesus. r u that miserable? i feel so much better about myself everyday when i read about your whining. thanks so much.

sincerely,
someone who earned their millions.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:38 PM

How about that girl with the phone tattoo?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:40 PM

this really looks so awesome. im jelly

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:42 PM

jacuzzi boys!!!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:43 PM

I still love the Black Lips, but that seriously looks the most miserable place. Ever.

Posted by kyle | March 2, 2011 1:46 PM

Dear BV,

If you're going to throw your money in our faces and subject us to picture after picture of a socialite hipster scene at its utmost worst over a series of "parts," please do us a favor: Post the dirtiest, raunchiest, most pornographic pictures you have of how things really went down. We all know that when you get a bunch of rich, no-responsibility hipsters together on a ship and add alcohol, the clothes come off and girls are going down faster on these "do you like my seven and a half inch" douchebags faster than you can say "limited edition Blank Dogs cassette."

Fap off fodder, commence!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:48 PM

Well said, 1:22. Hear hear. FYI the median age on this cruise was probably 32, and we were all able to afford this trip by our very own grown-up selves.

Posted by gabi porter | March 2, 2011 1:57 PM

I have a feeling all these comments are from the same 2 people

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:58 PM

[slow clap]

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 1:59 PM

I was too fat to go.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:01 PM

How many of these guys 'swabbed the deck'?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:05 PM

Who Hoo Trapped on a boat with a bunch of bands no one cares about and a legion of drunk hipsters.

not my idea of a great or interesting time.

no thanks.

but yeah, it might have been fun

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:05 PM

Against my better judgement, I was actually pressured into going on a cruise once. I thought it was going to suck, but I actually had a great time. Luckily, Black Lips weren't on board.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:08 PM

1:57, and how much is your current salary? After you answer that, tell me how much debt you're in? Yeah, that's what I thought. Hipsters = irresponsible with money even when they earn it on their own. I bet some of these fucks came home with an eviction notice taped to their front doors.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:12 PM

but it was worth it BRAHHH

check the babes

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:14 PM

my brother caught me jerking off to these pictures.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:16 PM

damn, i so wanted to go to this.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:17 PM

Who are you, 2:12, Alan fucking Greenspan? Sometimes people save up money and use it to go on vacation. Get over it.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:18 PM

My vacations take me to place where these people aren't.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:24 PM

Please stop trying to humor me, 2:18. No genuine hipster has a pot to piss in and they're always sinking further into credit card debt by trying to collect all the delay pedals used on a Liars album or spending $250 on new clothes.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:25 PM

* $250/week on new clothes.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:31 PM

Seeing posts like this make my stomach turn. I try not to be envious/jealous but growing up, we didn't have much money. I started working when I was 15, took out loans to attend a state college and only make in the low $30,000 salary range. I have student loans I'm paying off, I ride a bike or walk most places and can't afford to take vacations this extravagent. For some people, it looks like a fun life comes easy to. Reading this, I just want to kill myself because I'm killing myself as it is already and barely scraping by.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:35 PM

I could not go, I did not know, I am not cool.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:35 PM

2:24 - lmao

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:36 PM

Did Jared Swilley really fuck his dad at this?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:38 PM

WHITE SQUALL!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:40 PM

Would've been cool to have a spontaneous Poseidon Adventure re-enactment.....could've tested the myth, 'Do hipsters float?'

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:42 PM

Cheer up 2:35, none of these people have a soul.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:43 PM

SOMALI PIRATES WHERE ARE YOU WHEN WE NEED YOU?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:43 PM

If you were quoting my comment on Thee Oh Sees during the outlandish free cocktail hour, I said, "John Dwyer's mowing them down! Cutting that spring grass!" I'll take it either way. And no one's parents paid for the trip. We all threw up a little bit when we looked at our bank statements following the cruise. Super number one fun time!

Posted by Salazar Moriarty | March 2, 2011 2:54 PM

look at all those white people

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 2:56 PM

I totally misquoted you, Mark! That's what I get for drinking too much.

@2:43 - La Putt, is that you?

Posted by gabi porter | March 2, 2011 3:05 PM

"For some people, it looks like a fun life comes easy to"

Welcome to NYC!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 3:08 PM

I heart Gabi <3

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 3:09 PM

It was an alright time. I'd never been on a cruise before so I didn't know what to expect, but the music made it all well worth it. Plus I got to hook up with this really cute chick after Thee Oh Sees set, and we went back to my room where the boat really got knockin'. She rode on top, which I rarely do but since we were on a boat, I felt the waves would give some added oomph to "the motion in the ocean." Forgot her name... Gertrude? Gemeni? Gabrielle? If you're reading this, gimme a wink. I know you came and had a good time. We'd make a good rich hipster couple together.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 3:21 PM

Well now you have a cool story about how you lost your virginity.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 3:46 PM

WHITE SQUALL FTW

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 3:50 PM

MOST EPIC SHOW EVER OMG OMG OMG! BEST SHOW OF THE YEAR! EPIC!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 4:00 PM

Which guy in the pics above is BrooklynVegan?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 4:09 PM

Murph & the Magic Tones???

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 4:26 PM

How much did this shit cost?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 4:36 PM

I'd be ashamed of myself still hitting up mom & dad for money at 32.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 4:38 PM

Next time, Bermuda Triangle

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 4:43 PM

We really deserved this cruise.

Posted by You don't know what it's like for us. | March 2, 2011 4:43 PM

Some of these bitches are hawt

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 5:15 PM

I BORED

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 5:21 PM

Wow, these underdressed older hipster hags are nearly as boner eliminating as their Mermaid Parade brethren. Black Lips are a great choice to provide a perfect aural wallpaper adding to the complete saltpetering of my prick.

Posted by Ben Cho | March 2, 2011 6:06 PM

Gabi rulez! Stuff it haters- if you weren't there you WERENT THERE! 35 and didn't need mommy or daddy. Stop it now!! You're ruining everything!!!!

Posted by Amanda isayhello | March 2, 2011 6:54 PM

All you shit talkers on here are miserable little fucks. (It's BV, what else is new) What's more pathetic...going on the "Bruise Cruise" or sitting on your ass at your computer making fun of people having a great time? If you don't like the bands and all these "hipster fucks" then don't read the post and do whatever "pissed off at the world" douchebags do (i.e. shit on every band except your own). I'm not the biggest fan of the Black Lips and the like but I can't shit on a good time.

Anonymous Coward #115

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 7:14 PM

Shitting on a good time is what separates us from the brunchtards.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 7:20 PM

Its funny how people come here and rag on hipsters. If you read this blog, you are already part-hipster.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 7:33 PM

Sounds like 1:57 was offended by the comments about his captain's cap.

And brunchtard is just about the most epic term ever.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 7:42 PM

where are the sexy pictures? like of the orgy and drug usage.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 8:15 PM

okay, that Laura Palmer wannabe in the red/white 2-piece(about 16 photos down) could add some small bit of flavor to this lame event

But that gangly dude in the same photo, with the red shorts, exposing just a bit of tartan boxers (?). Nobody saw fit to toss him overboard?

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 8:45 PM

This was so much fun I wish I was dead now.

Posted by Sarah | March 2, 2011 8:46 PM

The girl in the white jacket and captain cap is trying just a bit too hard. She has gone past cool and back to blah.
(And yes, we know you are reading this to see what people say about you).

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 9:11 PM

no no no, forget all the rest of the fashion disasters.

guy in the first photo has skinny leg SHORTS

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 9:44 PM

BEACH FOSSILS

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 10:14 PM

lotta hot lookin sluts on that cruise.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 10:36 PM

wow, BV has so many non-chill haters. but I guess that's the way it should be.

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 10:39 PM

I hate anyone who has any moment of joy or even just a seemingly o.k. time in life except people who only get joy or have fun by staring at a glowing computer screen letting the world know how much they hate people having any kind of fun at all!
I am one of those people!
The second kind, I mean!

Posted by Anonymous | March 2, 2011 11:27 PM

This bruise cruise video is where it's at.

http://www.noisevox.org/content/bruise-cruise-2011-highlights

Posted by Mark Litz | March 3, 2011 9:54 AM

hipster girls are ugly

Posted by Anonymous | March 3, 2011 10:06 AM

wow. i thought tattooed hipsters were supposed to be judgmental assholes.

Posted by Anonymous | March 3, 2011 11:26 AM

@7:20 - CLASSIC.

Posted by Anonymous | March 3, 2011 11:27 AM

how did all these people know about the cruise? where was it adverised? not that I would have went anyway.

Posted by Anonymous | March 3, 2011 1:12 PM

this looks like the best shit ever.

Posted by riley | March 4, 2011 6:57 PM

kickball katy really does have a huge set of tits. it's really the only thing that;s interesting about her. noodz anywhere?

Posted by Anonymous | March 5, 2011 2:20 AM

does the gal in the captain hat ever LOOK AT the camera?

Posted by Anonymous | March 5, 2011 6:45 AM

i agree about kbk...really nice set of boobs. love the red hair & pale white skin combo on a girl with a big set like her.

Posted by Anonymous | March 6, 2011 12:27 AM

The pics go a long way to showing what a good time this obviously was! Seeing a lot if peeps I recognize - would have been a fantastic party. Fuck me though, I live in Nebraska, so what do I know.

Posted by Anonymous | March 7, 2011 2:40 PM

Just heard about this on the black lips fb page. Pissed im findin out about it now. Will def. be there next year!
PS: I'm not a hipster either, just a fan of garage rock.

Posted by Anonymous | March 7, 2011 6:29 PM

wet cunt

Posted by Anonymous | March 9, 2011 4:55 PM

I wonder how many of these hipster girls were former cheerleaders?
how many times must you subject us to trust fund babies? Makes me proud to be an American where abortions are still legal.

Posted by jeff | June 10, 2013 5:23 PM

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