Posted in music on April 15, 2011

backstage @ Coachella 2011
Coachella

According to Christwire.org..

"Coachella is a concert event for neo hippies, naked beer drinkers and drug addicts. Each year the event grows in numbers and so do its cases of rape, murder and cases of teenage runways. No were else are so many drugs taken, orgies performed and victimaztion of America's young daughters...

....Why Your Children Will Most Likely Die

With the amount of drugs and rape, your daughter or son has a large chance of dying from a drug overdose, alcohol poisoning, sex game gone wrong accident or be murdered by a Ecstasy induced wizard.

Just remember the chance of your baby contracting a STD during Coachella is increased by 86 percent -/+ 1. Also, if you daughter is at the festival already, there is a good chance she has already performed mouth sex acts on atleast 4 people and has shown off her milk sacs to an uncountable number. Now imagine if you could stop that?"

Phew, I'm happy I'm safe at home, just watching the stream, away from naked ecstasy wizards and whatnot!

NOTE: the above picture is an actual photo taken backstage at Coachella 2011 by devil-worshiping "darkwave" band Cold Cave. It seems to confirm everything written about Coachella in the article linked above. Be careful in California this weekend sinners! And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, would you be sure and and tell her SATAN, SATAN, SATAN, SATAN, SATAN....

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Comments (47)

Wow, desperate for anonymous comment trolls much?

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:21 PM

"Wow, desperate for anonymous comment trolls much?"

someone has a stick up their butt

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:24 PM

that picture is awesome

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:24 PM

OMG that site is AWESOME! Thank you for bringing it into my life!

http://christwire.org/2009/02/i-am-extremely-terrified-of-chinese-people/

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:29 PM

How fucked up is it that I can't tell if this site is satire or real? If it's the former, great job.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:34 PM

Das Racist Hate white people- Jesus Christ.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:38 PM

Thanks for the heads up, bv. Making the world a safer place one post at a time.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:41 PM

sacrifice the child on the altar of coacHELLa. 20\m/ the year of the beast.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:45 PM

Well, they are correct about the drugs....

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 5:46 PM

Christ wire should be satire...or is it Coachella that should?

Posted by wong | April 15, 2011 6:19 PM

It's satire retards. I bet you all read the Onion and think its true too.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 6:50 PM

what a stupid and exaggerated article.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 6:58 PM

Christ Wire is no different than the Onion, their Phish article was waaaaaaay funnier.

Posted by Kyle | April 15, 2011 7:03 PM

What's wrong with "mouth sex acts?"

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 7:15 PM

Religion. What a great use of your brain power

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 7:17 PM

wow, BV's headlines these days...wtf

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 7:30 PM

Too bad I'm allergic to bullshit christwire. Fuck religion.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 7:41 PM

This blog has to have the dumbest readership around.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 7:46 PM

wheres the booze, i'm a bit disappointed. the only things on the table 1 baby, 1 water, 2 purses and 2 sodas wheres the liquer and drugs? at least the "parent " left the baby in the shade!@!

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 8:08 PM

Who can guess where that "see your mom this weekend" came from? You get 10 Internet bonus points if you got the reference and were born after 1980.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 8:33 PM

Maybe we all got the satire. And the Onion is pseudo satire that fails often repeating itself with little "funny" pieces people scribbled out in five minutes. Its an ad paper.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 8:35 PM

hummus kills brain cells

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 8:55 PM

Show me your milk sacs!

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 9:00 PM

Let's see you people say the same shit about Islam.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 9:35 PM

The Onion is funnier than any of these comments will ever be.

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 9:42 PM

It's far better to regret something that you HAVE done than something that you haven't done.

Posted by Sweatloaf | April 15, 2011 10:12 PM

shit, i'll pass a class when my dad starts giving shits

Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 11:14 PM

what's not funny is that these are the people who our GOP majority congress is beholden to. the same congress who just passed a bill today to defund medicaid and simultaneously lower taxes on the rich.

Posted by Anonymous | April 16, 2011 2:01 AM

Idiots, ChristWire is a satire site.

Posted by Anonymous | April 16, 2011 9:19 AM

Thanks to extensive Dungeons & Dragons training, my cloak of invisibility and 3rd level Cleric spells will protect me from any Ecstasy induced wizards.

Posted by Brian Farrelly | April 16, 2011 9:32 AM

The comments on CristWire are hilarious. People think it's a real site

Posted by Anonymous | April 16, 2011 10:32 AM

"The comments on CristWire are hilarious. People think it's a real site"

um this is a real site, people ACTUALLY think this way. welcome to planet earth

Posted by Anonymous | April 16, 2011 12:42 PM

"Uncyclopedia is funnier than The Onion will ever be."

Yeah, I agree, homes.

Posted by Anonymous | April 16, 2011 2:18 PM

that baby don't give a $hit.

Posted by Anonymous | April 16, 2011 6:40 PM

google Christwire Satire.

If you can't tell if it's satire or real, then it is obviously damn good satire

Posted by Stephen Whitfield | April 16, 2011 9:39 PM

I don't think any God-fearing, devoutly-religious conservative would describe a women's breasts as "milk sacs".

"Fun bags" maybe, but not "milk sacs".

Posted by b.LOUD | April 17, 2011 12:58 AM

Everybody settle down. Just go to your kitchen and get your food processor humming and sit down with some baby carrots and chill.

Posted by Anonymous | April 17, 2011 3:30 AM

Quote is taken from the Orbital song. But upon research, that's not the origin of it. I'm still proud of my Orbital call though.

Posted by greatbloginthesky | April 17, 2011 9:15 AM

the see yr mom this weekend thing is from the intro to the album locust abortion technician by the butthole surfers.

Posted by Anonymous | April 17, 2011 1:50 PM

"um this is a real site, people ACTUALLY think this way. welcome to planet earth"

you dumb motherfucker

Posted by Anonymous | April 17, 2011 4:22 PM

I see that catering has improved this year.

Posted by Anonymous | April 17, 2011 11:15 PM

...mouth sex x4???
...exposed milk sacks???

sign me up!!!

Posted by Anonymous | April 18, 2011 12:05 PM

If you think the article is serious YOU ARE FUCKING DUMB.

Posted by Anonymous | April 18, 2011 10:29 PM

Gla!

Posted by Anonymous | April 18, 2011 11:38 PM

hahahahahahah wow. this is the most ridiculous article i have ever read! It's very funny. thank you to who ever wrote this, it definitely brought a smile to my face and gave me good old belly laugh considering I just got back from Coachella yesterday and none of this "wizzard rape drug std" bullshit actually took place. But if you ever decide to go, I hope you get attacked by a wizzards sexual mouth at coachella..and forced to take E and get raped by a raving witch! Then You should blog about it and let everyone know how it was :). hahah It's a sin to lie you know!

Posted by Anonymous | April 20, 2011 6:31 PM

feeling sorry for the idiot that wrote this article. again i feel so sorry for your stupidity.

Posted by Anonymous | January 12, 2012 10:39 AM

MILK SACS! LOL

Posted by Anonymous | January 12, 2012 10:40 AM

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