Posted in comedy | music | tour dates on April 1, 2011

Rebecca Black

Industry analyst Bob Lefsetz reports today on the signing of Internet sensation Rebecca Black to Universal Records...

Universal Republic, to be exact. Home of Chumbawamba as well as the distributor of Big Machine, home of Taylor Swift.

Actually, this is a joint venture between Republic and Big Machine. In other words, Scott Borchetta is going to Taylorize Rebecca.

First move?

Rebecca's gonna move into Scott Swift's house. Environment is everything. Scott's been there and done that, he knows how to get Rebecca on the right path.

Then there's the credibility tour. Taking a page out of Taylor's book, Rebecca's going to go on a radio station jaunt, just her and her guitar, proving to PDs that she can actually sing and play.

Meanwhile, the best songwriters known to man are concocting cuts that will truly catapult Rebecca into the stratosphere.

Dr. Luke has been saving a track for the right artist. Ke$ha has already recorded backgrounds, she was the lead singer, but the track was too good for her marginal talent, Rebecca's now got the slot. And rumor has it Weezy is going to rap in the break...

...Unlike Justin Bieber, Rebecca's voice is not going to drop, there are no issues of puberty. However she will not be getting breast implants immediately, they're going to wait to see if she fills out before any plastic surgery is done. Britney Spears is Rebecca's mentor. Having made a full emotional recovery, Britney wants to insure that Rebecca doesn't make the same mistakes she did...

In related news, Britney Spears is back and scheduled to play Nassau Coliseum and the Izod Center in August (that's actually true), and Rebecca Black is the new owner of funny website Funny or Die (or so they claim). Happy Friday!

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Comments (58)

Hey is Peter Frampton still working on his comeback album?

Posted by nygrump | April 1, 2011 10:02 AM

april fools, fools.

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:03 AM

Wow, that's one hell of a lame April Fool's Day joke.

Posted by The Mighty KC | April 1, 2011 10:06 AM

^ yeah... she should cover Back in Black though!

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:07 AM

WAIT....WAIT....

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:11 AM

funny... i liked it better when tool would break up on april fools like every year and all the tool freaks would go nuts.

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:11 AM

If this is n April Fools joke, I don't get it. Should I be listening to more Z100?

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:12 AM

i like conan's "thursday" better

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:14 AM

Bob Lefsetz actually did send out that news. I thought it was true at first

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:15 AM

Solid idea, poorly executed. It could be both more convincing and funnier. The Scott Swift/Kesha stuff sinks it.

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:16 AM

Would not.

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:17 AM

rebecca WHACK. OHHHHHHHHH

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:28 AM

i was at least expecting a hummus april fools day joke

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:33 AM

10:33... wait for it

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:38 AM

So, what does she do after she hangs up with me? After everything I had told her? After all her yeah, yeah, yeah, bullshit? She picks up the phone and calls from the house. Now, if anybody was listening, they'd know everything. They'd know that a package was leaving from my house and they'd even have the time and the flight number. Thanks to her.

Posted by Henry | April 1, 2011 10:41 AM

haha ok you got me

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:41 AM

wtf is this shit. why am i not an internet sensation yet?

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:44 AM

....oh this is embarrassing I should have read this before I posted 10:44

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:47 AM

One of these things is not like the other...

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:49 AM

what does this have to do with LCD Soundsystem?!

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:52 AM

FUN FUN FUN FUN

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 10:54 AM

what does this have to do with hummus?

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 11:00 AM

...or Goodfellas?

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 11:13 AM

or frohawk?

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 11:20 AM

lol

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 12:43 PM

Definitely move into Scott Borchetta's house...Does "Taylorize Rebecca Black" involve everything he did to Taylor Swift too?
I shot the sex tape and I think she was underage at the time of the video but Scott didn't care neither did Taylor. hahaa

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:13 PM

Kickball Katy or Rebecca Black?

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:41 PM

Rebecca Black sings "Do You Feel Like We Do On Fridays"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:42 PM

Rebecca Black sings "Jeremy spoke in class on Friday"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:42 PM

Rebecca Black sings "Smells Like Friday Spirit"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:43 PM

Rebecca Black sings "The Theme From Friends (I'll Be There Until Friday)"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:44 PM

Rebecca Black sings "I Dig A Friday"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:44 PM

Rebecca Black sings "Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Friday"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:45 PM

I guess that this is ... (wait for it) ... Rebecca Black Friday!

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:46 PM

Rebecca Black sings "Friday Lines (Don't Do It)"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:56 PM

Rebecca Black sings "You've Got To Fight For Your Right To Friday"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:57 PM

Rebecca Black does the complete Dio album "Holy Friday"

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 1:58 PM

I never thought that I would be wishing for Monday to get the hell away from Friday

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 2:08 PM

Rebecca Black > Radiohead. Real talk.

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 3:01 PM

Get her on the right path Scott!

Posted by Well fed fuck | April 1, 2011 3:02 PM

Everybody's got something to schmear except for me and my hummus

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 3:05 PM

not ONE of those was funny.

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 7:20 PM

never heard of her

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 7:39 PM

nothing in this post is funny. dumbest april fools joke ever WHO CARES, MEH, HUMMUS, I LIKE TURTLES!!!!!

Posted by Anonymous | April 1, 2011 11:02 PM

Every Rebecca Black album should include a FREE ROPE AND STOOL!

Posted by Anonymous | April 4, 2011 12:34 PM

^ I need a new stool for my house...might be worth it for the stool and then i can use the cd as a frisbee!

Posted by Anonymous | April 4, 2011 12:45 PM

Is Frohawk signed to Universal Republic yet?!

Posted by Anonymous | April 5, 2011 3:03 PM

Abe Frohawk?

Posted by Anonymous | April 5, 2011 3:32 PM

Who is Abe Frohawk?

Posted by Anonymous | April 5, 2011 3:33 PM

素敵なサイトですね
おもしろいです

Posted by wara | April 8, 2011 3:40 AM

^ I don't think I can agree with that thought.

Posted by Anonymous | April 8, 2011 7:12 AM

my god my daughter plays this song Friday endlessly I don't know if I can handle it anymore no offense to Rebecca but I now officially like Mondays better

Posted by balance bike | April 14, 2011 5:34 PM

my god my daughter plays this song Friday endlessly I don't know if I can handle it anymore no offense to Rebecca but I now officially like Mondays better

Posted by balance bike | April 14, 2011 7:11 PM

This is just lolz!

Posted by Would You Rather | May 9, 2011 11:17 AM

This song makes me wish I was deaf. My daughter doesn't like it, but she knows it bugs me so she plays it all the time.

Posted by best knife set | May 9, 2011 2:28 PM

I would much rather listen to Conan's version.

Posted by Blast Zone | May 23, 2011 4:56 PM

Is this real or some kind of joke? They are hyping her up way too much.

Posted by Blast Zone | May 23, 2011 4:59 PM

Way, way, way....wayyeee too much hype,....totally!

Posted by social phobia | July 4, 2011 5:38 PM

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