Posted in metal | music | tour dates on February 14, 2014

By Doug Moore

TONITE! (...sort of, not really)
VH

Real talk: the weather fucking sucked this week, and it shows few signs of improving over the weekend. On top of that, it's Valentine's Day today. Not brutal! (Or doubly brutal, depending on your inclinations.) But you guys are troopers, right? And there's a good amount of fun stuff going on this weekend:

Tonight (2/14): industrial pioneers Skinny Puppy are playing at Webster Hall along with Army of the Universe & Cult of Youth, though the show is sold out. Saint Vitus is hosting a more romantic event (by some definitions, anyway) -- the DLR-era Van Halen tribute band Bottom's Up.

Tomorrow (2/15): gnarly noise rock locals Fashion Week are playing an ABC No Rio matinee along with out-of-towners Manners, Dying, & Capacities. Rozamov's tour is hitting Acheron, with help from Godmaker, Eggnogg, & Crushed. Meanwhile, long-running death/thrashers Deceased will put in a one-off appearance at Saint Vitus alongside Fantom Warrior, Penetration, Sacrificial Blood, Exhumation, & Iron Force. Keep an eye on our nifty NYC metal show calendar for the latest. It rules.

In other news:

The great Polish death metal band Decapitated have entered the studio to record their sixth album.

Some grainy, 30-second streaming samples of the new Triptykon album are available on Amazon, if you're into that kind of thing.

Knelt Rote have canceled their appearance at Martyrdoom 2014, which is a bummer. On the bright side, Lord Mantis and Evoken have joined the bill.

Shirley Temple's passing reminded a lot of people that her daughter Lori Black was briefly a member of (the) Melvins, though Black's stint in also-ran thrashers Clown Alley continues to go uncelebrated.

Speaking of Melvins, frontman Buzz Osborne has debuted the first song from his aforementioned solo acoustic 10" via Rolling Stone. You can stream it below.

The Dillinger Escape Plan have announced another spring tour. This one's with Tera Melos & Vattnet Viskar (the latter of whom are playing NYC soon), and while it doesn't stop in NYC, you can catch it if you schlep out to Hartford, CT on May 10. All tour dates are listed below.

Over in the IO corner:

We checked out great new tunes by New Light Choir, Behemoth, The Wounded Kings, and Xothist. We continued our career-spanning retrospective on Babylon Whores. We gave you the deets on all of this week's $$$-worthy new metal. And we spoke to NYC metal scene fixture Curran Reynolds (Wetnurse, Body Stuff, Today is the Day, & the Precious Metal Series) on our East Village Radio show. Tune in every Tuesday night at 10pm on EVR.com for ticket giveaways, interviews, and the best new riffage around.

The Dillinger Escape Plan tour dates and Buzz Ozborne stream below. Anything else?

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The Dillinger Escape Plan/Tera Melos/Vattnet Viskar tour dates:
04/27 Scottsdale, AZ - Pub Rock Live
04/28 Albuquerque, NM - Launchpad
04/29 Denver, CO - The Marquis Theater (feat. Kadavar)
05/01 Dallas, TX - Trees
05/02 Houston, TX - Fitzgerald's
05/03 Austin, TX - The Mohawk
05/05 Little Rock, AR - Juanita's Cafe and Bar
05/06 New Orleans, LA - One Eyed Jacks
05/07 Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade
05/10 Hartford, CT - The Webster Theater

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Comments (250)

It puts the sausage in it's mouth

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 5:37 PM

^ Or it get's the hose again.

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 6:51 PM

http://picturewar.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/gloryhole-in-one.jpg

...and one for the road!

Happy Valentines day, sausages!

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 7:09 PM

gaaad, the feckin' haters. what's with you and your homo obsessions? also, am I supposed to call you scarves? sheezus, stupid bullshit

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 8:24 PM

i wish that DEP/TM tour would come here. both bands are nuts and that tour makes no sense. i wanna see it!

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 8:51 PM

yeah dat derz a goodun

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 9:33 PM

The Dillinger/Tera Melos tour is hitting Revolution in Amityville on May 9

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 10:51 PM

I guess that they think this is the place to leave homophobic comments because 95% of vegans are gay or bisexual, so their homophobia doesn't go unexpressed to the homos? Maybe they justify it as a backlash to having been told that eating meat is unhealthy and unsustainable? Or maybe it's just because nobody in real life wants to see or hear from them so they have the wide open comments section to flail away every day? I choose this last option as the truth, so that every one of their redundant comments reminds me of who they really are and why they bother to do it - because the world has recognized them all as nothing but shit, which is correct and proper. There exists no example of someone succeeding in life by talking the same shit all day each and every day to those they despise. The only ones who get by like that preach to the choir. When you are rejected by everyone you encounter, you have no choir to preach to, only enemies to snipe your snark at from beneath the cover of anonymity, which is the real relief from the trauma of being universally rejected by those whom you cannot hide from. Your comments are the symptom, not the disease.

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 11:21 PM

^ LOL TL;DR
I'm sure that your adorable little "argument" was just watertight in your sausage mind, you dear thing.

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 11:25 PM

"I choose this last option as the truth"

Choosing an opinion that justifies your own inherent prejudices and codifying it as truth - yup, you really are a fascist. Just think of how cute all that goose-stepping will be.

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 11:36 PM

http://www.metalsucks.net/2014/02/11/wtf-revelation-day-shirley-temples-daughter-used-bassist-melvins/ Not just a member but also Buzz's girlfriend. Can you imagine republican shirley temple as Buzz's mother-in-law...?

Posted by ME | February 14, 2014 11:40 PM

11:36, if my choice of what is true makes me a fascist, it's only because your anonymity leaves too much to the imagination. Take credit for my 11:21 PM comment in public, and see how much support you get from others. Take credit for the sausage gloryhole comments in public, and see how much people disagree with you. Is being held accountable for speech fascism? How can I go through life without evaluating speech for myself?

Posted by Anonymous | February 14, 2014 11:56 PM

mamouns

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 12:16 AM

@11:21/11:56

L U L Z

I fucking own you like a

n i g g e r

Bow to your master, sausage. You're mine.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 12:40 AM

looks like you got another one lulxy. how the fuck you keep managing to do so is beyond me. enjoy this one while he lasts

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 12:58 AM

I think that complying with whatever typing workaround to get past the filter proves that 12:40 is subservient to a higher power. If you really were a boss, you would be able to post your slurs with impunity. But you cannot, and will not. The best you can do is to rack up replies and deletions. Only 12:58 is impressed. I will bow to your superiority when you draw more than any show you mock. Any monday night band versus your prime time any where.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 2:39 AM

^lol bitch you sound like such a faggot

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 2:50 AM

you feel the need to use slurs in your comments.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 2:57 AM

^i'm free to do whatever the fuck i want. bothers you don't it faaaaaaaaaagot?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:00 AM

you are not free to include certain words in the comments you post. you are subject to the filter. this is because you are weak. too weak to bother me, but it keeps you coming back for more, it's all you can do. you can't help yourself.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:04 AM

lol@too weak to bother me. sure kid. lol whatever you say

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:05 AM

When did I ever claim I wasn't subservient to a higher power, sausage? I'm providing a valuable service as we speak. To you specifically no less. You should be thanking me.

I do post my slurs with impunity. I have no idea what the fuck you're even talking about. I can and I do. Make no mistake, I run this shit! BIG BOSS STYLE!

And in reality you're bowing now. You're just too fucking stupid to realize it.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:06 AM

you can't draw more people to your comments any place any time, than a monday night metal group can bring in, even during football season. you don't have the power to do that. keep playing.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:08 AM

^ Oooooh, now this is projecting! Are you by any chance a frustrated failed musician, sausage? Talk to L U L Z Y, get it all out.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:13 AM

I am an observer of power relationships, and I notice that you are powerless to refute my claim.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:14 AM

It's easy to understand if a frustrated, failed, musician calls out a critic of no substance. What prompts someone to continue with their crusade making derisive comments on every single article about metal shows? This I struggle to grasp. If you really can do whatever you want, do you have the ability to explain your motivation, speaking for yourself and not the ones you deride?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:21 AM

^ But your claim/observation has absolutely no basis in reality. It's merely a baseless assumption therefor your point is moot and invalid. It doesn't matter how many people I can draw in. I got your dumb ass and that's all that matters.

L U L Z

Stupid ass sausage. Your so mine.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:27 AM

damn kid just stop embarrassing yourself. fuck

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:33 AM

You don't have me, except in how you have me utterly unable to see any reason why you persist. That has me at a loss. Why I keep going is just because you prove it each and every time, that this is all you have. You have nothing else, no substance, nothing can be proven, except that you cannot get more people to support your comments than even a monday night metal band. You do not determine whether that matters or not to others, because you do not have that power. No matter what you claim, you are subject to a compulsion, and are powerless as a result.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:37 AM

"It's easy to understand if a frustrated, failed, musician calls out a critic of no substance."

^lol ok so lulxy nailed it then

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:38 AM

L U L Z

Ok. I'm going to bed. I'd love to continue but I'm too tired for this. It's hilarious you exist. Let's touch tips tomorrow?

Love you, xoxoxo.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:46 AM

Could your hero nail an explanation of why their comments matter? Of what consequence is it besides they keep on replying to me? Has there ever been a band or show that stopped because of their "power" or because they "matter"? The whole point of the anonymity is that there is no consequence, that no matter how much anon gets bothered by gays, vegans, metal fans, bands, or shows, all they can do is hide. It doesn't matter, except if they get found out. They don't have the power to escape the corner they painted themselves into. It's either anon or life as reject or walk it all back and hope for forgiveness.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:48 AM

^lol i'm so glad we found you. i'm really going to enjoy our time together

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:51 AM

you can enjoy, but you can't explain yourself. Is it because you are powerless to do so in the face of your sad compulsion, or is it because I said that you cannot, and you obey me?
Also, what is this we? how many miserables have found company through their anonymous comments?
You love having questions asked of you that you cannot answer without embarrassing yourself, is that it?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 3:59 AM

3:59 needs a name. how about the cottaging banger ;-P

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:14 AM

I am the one with the power here. Your exhaustion is an admission of that. Using "touch tips" as a euphemism for arguing in the comments proves that you lack human contact in real life. This is probably why you carry on like you do, and why you are able to obtain enjoyment from it. Why is real life, real people, live music, etc. so annoying and alien to you? Why do you need to claim power over others when that is clearly untrue? Is this the only chance you have to interact with others, so you have to act that way?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:16 AM

^ cottaging kielbasa

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:20 AM

You never got how stuff that might seem funny once, because it's randomly out of nowhere, gets old fast. You don't even get that the irony of continuing with your spiel way past its expiration date has itself gotten old. If you were around other people in real life, you would notice the shunning. It's not funny, it's sad.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:25 AM

^ok cottaging kielbasa it is!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:26 AM

^ LOL no dog in this fight but that's pretty good.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:28 AM

help me sausage taint

your my only hope

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:31 AM

it's only good at setting a new low bar for what constitutes a joke. You just bumped hummus troll above you in the rankings. If only you liked something that could be ridiculed, not that I would be bothered to mock. It's the void looking back at me, I can't look away.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:32 AM

^yeah its pretty funny tho

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:34 AM

What do sausages call anal warts?

Speed bumps, amirite?!?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:36 AM

lol@not that I would be bothered. lol oh your bothered alright

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:38 AM

the iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:44 AM

I'm bothered by the absence of anything you like. You can dislike stuff all you want, it will never cause a show to be cancelled or a band to stop playing, or an audience to not enjoy them. That is what it means to be powerless. You keep coming back with jokes made around euphemisms, but that is merely a manifestation of your impotence. Look at how you all pile on to me, that is the power of influence.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:46 AM

you have to do a text reply to my comments, I'm too busy arguing on five other sites right now to watch a video.
And they are way more funny and witty on every other site than you are here.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:55 AM

^ list them so i can see then

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:58 AM

the whole exchange has an argument over who has power over the other, and now you want me to do something for you to satisfy your misguided and pathological curiosity, um, no. are you on crack?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:01 AM

^so you lied then

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:02 AM

No, I have the power here. That is why I am called a fascist. What has anyone ever called you?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:07 AM

^lol bitch you still sound like such a faggot

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:09 AM

Haa ha ha! Cottaging Kielbasa! I like it!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:11 AM

so nobody even bothers to call you anything except "scarf"? That's all you've got for me? You sound weak. If you weren't such a weakling, you could end the metal shows, musicians, music and audiences you despise. They continue every day in defiance of your corny slurs. You couldn't even step to Manowar with every other commenter ITT having your back.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:14 AM

the iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:16 AM

How about the CO)))ttaging kielbasa?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:20 AM

^Okay, that took some effort, but you still couldn't handle going to a Twilight / Witch / Dokken show in times square for a Good Morning America promo appearance. I will watch GMA to look for you holding a sign that says "metal is gay and only gays listen to it". When I see that on my television, I will concede to your demands, requests, and characterizations of me.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:23 AM

cO)))ttaging kielbasa it is

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:23 AM

Your extensive knowledge of euphemisms for gay sex and male genitalia fill your readers with hope for your maturing.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:31 AM

^ The CO)))ttaging Kielbasa speaks!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:32 AM

You are so weak that you couldn't even form an out of context quote that I walked right into with my latest comment:
"male genitalia fill your readers"

You make one corny joke and it is such a thrill to your deprived miserable self that you can't see the forest for the trees. But yeah, keep playing. It must be a relief to not be stuck in the "meh" rut anymore.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:42 AM

the iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:44 AM

the ipods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:46 AM

the ipods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:46 AM

the ipods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:46 AM

meh

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:47 AM

sausage

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:51 AM

I don't think this is meh. This is epic. 11:21 - 5:51 and still going. how many of you have been along the entire ride?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:51 AM

sausage

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:54 AM

cO)))ttaging kielbasa

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:59 AM

I admit you really trolled me. I thought that there was more than one of you, but it was just an echo.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:00 AM

^ You should dip some baby carrots into a robust hummus platter, CO)))ttaging Kielbasa. It always makes me feel better anyway.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:03 AM

the iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:04 AM

you want to hear a screaming female story, 6:00? or how m. gira's a pussy?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:12 AM

did you give up ck?

;_;

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:16 AM

What would you do without me? it was only 30 minutes away from the crap. I was busy coaxing Rob Halford back from retirement to throw a party for you.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:31 AM

^i missed you

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:34 AM

seriously, how many of you are there? not enough to shut down any given metal show. I have the funds for about twelve of you to get into a show, to do the hate stare at the band through their first song and then walk out en masse to whatever knitting circle or lensless eyewear store you had planned.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:39 AM

ARe there at least five of you? because I could call you the fab F5. Now that's funny, take notes.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:42 AM

If you really think pointing out that Michael Gira is a pussy means anything, then I will forever remain unintimidated by you. I already stated what I want, which is an explanation of how you can eschew the pleasures life offers for this gutter.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:46 AM

6:34 is the last of it for now? What happened? Parents woke up? Time to make the donuts? No amount of parental neglect or donut making overtime pay could ever end metal. You couldn't even break the E string on Avenged Sevenfold's guitar. Bill Ward could kick your asses today or twenty years from now, if you still need some time to grow.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:16 AM

^no, faggot. i'm still here. don't cry

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:21 AM

I will cry tears of joy to see you at a metal show or even a record store. Anything to get you out of your rut.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:25 AM

If some dumbass sausage keeps writing multi-paragraph answers back to a troll ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG guess what -you got pwned. BIG TIME. All that power you claim you have and luxly does not, well that would be non-existant to you writing novels, sausage. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can have an honest evaluation of you life and direction, maybe even get out of that dead end pizza delivery job and stop whining like a little butthurt victim bitch.

Now relax and breath, it will be OK.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:31 AM

^ lol@"at a record store". didn't i kick your ignorant ass hard enough in the sounds thread? record stores are obsolete.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:32 AM

you think that your comments have the effect of kicking someone's ass then you really are delusional. you think that replies mean power over others and that shows you are wrong. You keep on missing the same notes over and over, yet you will never be able to stop a metal show. You cannot leave the metal stories alone, even if you wanted to. if you don't like what I post then block me if you have the power, otherwise you are proving yourself to be the powerless ones who rub each other up all the while accomplishing nothing.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:36 AM

This is for you two crackheads, making sweet comments love all night long and still going strong by the dawn's early light ....
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bAqz0AwLRjk

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:38 AM

^ fiesta...

forevah...

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:38 AM

I admit to having been up all night, but who wakes up at 7:00 AM on a Saturday and has the priority to check what I posted here? Look in the mirror fools.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:41 AM

^ "Well, you ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Dan!"

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:43 AM

The goal isn't to stop a metal show you whiney little bitch, it's to lambaste the utter ridiculousness of grown men with neck tats and cammo cargo shorts playing dress up and posing like a serial killer, and thinking that anyone will ever take them seriously about anything.

Wow, there is a crazy beautiful world out there, you are just not living in it silly sausage.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:44 AM

Your slurs have not even stopped one single metal mp3 from being downloaded. You don't need legs when you have nothing to stand for.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:45 AM

The CO)))ttaging Kielbasa!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:46 AM

lol 7:45 has nothing to stand for

lol stupid ass sausage

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:48 AM

all you fools would be mine if you'd just stop your ignorance and do what I say

Posted by some dumbass sausage, somewhere around 4:00 AM | February 15, 2014 7:48 AM

I don't need to stand for anything, I have you lining up to play the fool and prove my points for me.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:49 AM

lol@I don't need to stand for anything

nice. lol so you admit your just a dipsht then

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:52 AM

Trolls : 97
Verbose Sausage : 1

Sorry guys, but the judges just conferences and they want to call this one. The judges tell me they feel that the game is over.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:52 AM

the iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:55 AM

what a great strategy - get your ass kicked then claim that all the ass kicking was really just your points being proved right. why didn't I think of that? oh, because that's intellectually dishonest? fuck that, I WIN! I WIN!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:55 AM

the judges have never actually affected any metal band, venue, or audience. I welcome the meaningless jugdment of those keeping score with nothing else to live for. Along with those who keep repeating each other's stupid comments. Pizza delivery, yeah at 8:00 AM on a Saturday. Oh you know me. Your lambasting, what is the satisfaction you derive from it, that never gets old for you? I have not received an answer, just that you don't like metal. You devote a lot of time to pointing out that you don't take this seriously. How much time do you have for this?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:56 AM

Sausage boy thinks he's Di Caprio at the front of the Titanic yelling "I'm the king of the world"

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:57 AM

The type of comments in this thread are why people laugh at you, sausages.

Just sayin'.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:57 AM

@7:56 more than you

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:58 AM

7:56 sounds angry

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:59 AM

this isn't an ass kicking, it's like a grown man challenging every kindergartener in the ball pit to a fight. you all repeat each other's comments like that adds up to something more than what one person comments. I could say the same thing over and over too, but I get no satisfaction from that. I just want to know why you can get so much satisfaction. This is not like actually kicking someone's ass in real life, I feel I must inform you of that because of how you carry on.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 7:59 AM

PWNED SAUSAGE SAYS WHAT?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:00 AM

^ Where is the ascii sausage dick you drew? Do you remember what thread was it in? I can't find it.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:02 AM

you are too young to get into a metal show anyway, so of course you have no answer for why you carry on.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:02 AM

I can find the Picard head shake and the standard dick no problem. The ascii sausage dick was better though.

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* ¯¯¯'^^~-„„„- --~^ '"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸ "
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :„-"
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯
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:.' : : ' : : : : : : : ;¸„„-~"¯
:.:.:: :"-„""***/*'ì¸'¯
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.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : ,
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: : : : : : :, : : : : : :/
"-„_::::_„-*__„„

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:04 AM

asking people where to find dick pics is really evidence that I lost
I hope you enjoy the fulfillent of your quest, but your self loathing is showing.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:05 AM

^ Yeah, the fact that you lost wasn't lost (get it?) on anybody but you. Kill yourself, faggot. Seriously.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:08 AM

now the trolls want to discuss which dick pic is the best, and I was the one who lost

You win the championship of remembering, finding, and reposting dick pics.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:09 AM

the iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:12 AM

^ There's a really good ascii sausage dick Anon drew just for you sausages. I'd think you'd be a bit more appreciative someone would take the time to indulge your sausage faggotry.

Rude.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:12 AM

come kill me IRL troll then and only then will you truly have won. until then you are just angry and desparately searching for dick pics on the internet.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:13 AM

^ Ok, so your not going to help me find the ascii sausage dick? It's the least you could do.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:15 AM

8:02 has lots of time to post, but doesn't read responses. The answer was posted to you, you precious little bunny.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:16 AM

I appreciate metal. I appreciate a good IRL fight. This here is just demonstrative of how myopic the anti metal trolls are, blinded by their own self loathing. That's why you pile on and keep trying to claim victory. If any of you even have a visibly discernable dick yourselves, you should see what it can do besides be a subject for drawing and posting online. Not just fantasize about it.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:17 AM

r.i.p. yoni

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:18 AM

@8:17

JUST SHUT UP AND HELP ME FIND THE SAUSAGE DICK.

ASSHOLE.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:20 AM

You appreciate a stiff dick and a good fist reaming methinks A M I R I T E ??

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:20 AM

^ Sure, whatever.

http://miamiherald.typepad.com/gaysouthflorida/WindowsLiveWriter/HarbourPhotogayart01.jpg

I like this one better, 8:19. It makes me feel pretty.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:22 AM

^ No, not that one. The one I'm talking about was ascii art from a few weeks (months?) ago. It looked just like the dick @8:04 but it was a squirting sausage instead.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:25 AM

how is this not swallowing your own tail? You mock how "serious" people take their music, but when you support nothing because nobody wants you associated with them even in that capacity, then everything that people enjoy seems like they take it too seriously to you. It's not that they kicked your ass because they take metal too seriously, it's because you deserve to be put in your place, and that is fun and easy to do to you. Prove me wrong and kick my ass IRL or block me.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:27 AM

Oh dang, I missed that one. You mean you don't keep an ASCII library for just such an occasion, padwan? You need to plan ahead. Just like 501(k) contributions, you never know.

OK, back to Sausage Dickens here ....

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:27 AM

omg this is the same shitbird potato from the oh sees thread

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:28 AM

Yup, he's been a busy little bunny

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:29 AM

Again with too much credit and denying me my due. I am not from the Oh sees thread, but I will have a look later. I am Nina Kraviz Ultimate White Knight, and you all fell for me.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:32 AM

That's ok, 8:27. Maybe I'll be able to find it later. I notice threads sometimes get trapped between pages. I reposted it a few times but those posts were all d e l e t e d. It came from BV though. It's here somewhere.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:33 AM

Where do lxly and ck live, Japan? You just stayed up all night on your computers! I do not approve.

Posted by Mamoun | February 15, 2014 8:34 AM

No one here fell for anything, 8:32.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:34 AM

There goes that cock drunk sausage babbling again, overly familiar and a bit awkward like the fat kid that just got picked (last) for the kickball team.

It's OK sausage, now go play outfield

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:35 AM

@8:34 CKs obviously in love with me. How could I resist on Valentines day of all days?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:36 AM

keep on with that trying to get past the filter, broski. I've trolled Scharpling as well, I was even sampled in the TBSOWFMU theme song for years. But that was not me in the oh sees thread. Nice try. When the only tool you have is yourself, every problem looks like it's the same supertroll.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:36 AM

Louis CK is on here?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:36 AM

the iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:37 AM

Clearly there are enough tools to go around here 8:36. Irony is a funny thing, idn't it?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:38 AM

Uh oh, looks like 8:36 is starting to ingratiate maximum damage control.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:38 AM

What happened to that sausage apologist that was writing the multiple tldr paragraphs? Did we break him? I think so. I think he gave up. All I see now is someone posing as him, but not really him. I think he gave up. He conceded.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:39 AM

Shit. Initiate. Ok, getting tired now.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:41 AM

So, for the Cliff Notes version:

a) lossless FLAC is superior to vinyl

b) Thee Oh Sees have always sucked

c) Tom Scharpling is the biggest douche and if you let him do your thinking for you then you have yourself to blame

d) cock drunk sausages will do it on BV all night long, like a good bitch

e) no one takes neck tatted, cargo shorts wearing man-children seriously

OK, now back to Bullitt, already in progress ....

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:43 AM

lol@trying to get past the filter, broski

lol@trying

lol you dumb faggot

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:43 AM

8:43 don't forget Gira is a pussy too.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:44 AM

^ oh I see what you did there! the long troll - get him riled up, and bait him with a borderline filter word, then wait as his long post gets kicked back multiple times and he struggles to find the offending word.

I don't say this often, but FUCKING BRILLIANT!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:45 AM

8:44 - point taken, thanks dude

f) Michael Gira has always been a pussy, an entitled spoiled brat

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:46 AM

^ My baby carrot is crisp.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:47 AM

[Submit] .... GRRRR KICKED BACK AGAIN?!? WHATDEFUCK ?!?! ..... ERR, "ASSHO.." NAH THAT'S NOT .... "LUL..." NAH ... ERR GRRRRR .... [Submit] ...

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:50 AM

L
I

N
S
A
N
I
T
Y

LIVES!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:52 AM

Well kids, there it is = GAME SET & MATCH, to L U X L Y!!!!!!!

Sausage, definitely try again tomorrow. A new day, new opportunities, and remember -- negative expectations yield negative results.

This has been a BV Production. I'm Don Pardo.

THE

END

.....

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:53 AM

you really need to imagine you won because your collective ego is at stake

I only had one post blocked, and that was before midnight.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:53 AM

WEED IN THE MORNING

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:54 AM

^ Sorry bro, but the thread is closed. The moose out front should have told you that.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:54 AM

^ I did win though. And you lost.

Sorry, sausage.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:55 AM

I knew sausage troller would be ripping on here all night, despite valentine's day and all. only the lonely, I guess... sad.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:55 AM

Shit. I'm getting too slow now.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:55 AM

you all waited for me to leave so you could declare victory? that's premature, which suits the character of the rest of your redundant posts. You needed this so badly, that you made the freudian slip with initiate / ingratiate. If I trolled Scharpling when he openly reached out to me in a friendly way, why would I stoop to ingratiating myself with you lot? You have no television shows outside of public access or your vine channel.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:56 AM

lol 8:55 is The CO)))ttaging Kielbasa. Who do you think you're fooling, sausage?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:57 AM

L U L Z

MAXIMUM DAMAGE CONTROL

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:59 AM

sausage war

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:01 AM

did you give up again, ck?

;_; <(fuck you then bitch.)

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:05 AM

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■) <( I won, faggot.)

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:11 AM

I'll be waiting, CK.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:18 AM

lol lulxy ftw

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:22 AM

s t i l l w a i t i n g

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:26 AM

S T I L L W A I T I N G

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:36 AM

^a bigger outcast from society than any overweight, cargo short wearing, neck-beard sausage will ever be.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:41 AM

^ Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:43 AM

Do you really wanna hurt me?

Do you really wanna make me cry?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:50 AM

I'm sorry, 9:43 AM.
I was.
That was mean. I apologize.


Though, I'm curious. Did it work?

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:50 AM

CK has to leave soon, he'll be doing the lead in the Chelsea Light Opera re-imagining of Gypsy this spring, and gotta grab those spanx and get on to rehearsal

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:50 AM

Eeeev'ry thing's tuuuuuurning up sausage

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:53 AM

I guess sausage boy gave up, or maybe his mom is making him shovel that snow off their shithole stoop now, or maybe she just walked in on him trying on her underwear ... AWKWARD!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 9:57 AM

"Goooooooddanget Dwayne! Has you been ona dat der compootar awl nite?!?"

"Butt Maw!! Dis hurr Lulxy dun tawlkd bad abowt muh metul moosik!"

"Wuul sheeet, Dwayne! Dis hurrs da reasun why you caint grageuwait duh ninthuh grade! You aint never gonna get dat job pullin' turds at duh RV park ifin' yuh stay awake awl niteown duh internets!!!"

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:08 AM

@9:50 I wish.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:11 AM

RIP sausage taint aka CK aka sausage dickens aka tldr))))

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:17 AM

TLDR)))))))

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:17 AM

SOMEBODY DIED ASSWIPES!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:18 AM

r.i.p. yO)))ni

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:19 AM

SO)))MEBO)))DY DIED ASSWIPES!

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:21 AM

the iPO)))ds

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:21 AM

lol CK makes buckeye seem sane

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:22 AM

Cottaging

the persuit of homosexual "Acts" of an anonymous nature in pubilc lavatories via a small and well crafted hole in the cubicle wall to ensure

"Please excuse me a second Nathanial, I'm going to check out the cottaging facilities"

"Ow" exclaimed Bowden "My Japseye seems to contain an angry splinter. I know i should have sanded the cottaging hole"

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cottaging

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:23 AM

Buckeye Shrimper is insane in his own way, but his is a more diffuse anger sort of cray cray. This clown is passionate and sincere, which does give him a whole nother level of confused.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:25 AM

^ I think he'll end up being more fun than buckeye. I bet as soon as he wakes up this afternoon he'll right back here crying like a retarded bitch again.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:25 AM

OK, I joined late but I'm now worn out and need a nap. Somebody keep the lights on until I get back. Sorry fellas, ain't got the stamina I used to have.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:29 AM

For CK, with love,

http://vimeo.com/61340457

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:32 AM

I'm jealous, 10:29. I suffer from a medical condition where I never sleep. I need "rest" (so to speak) for my body but I never need sleep. My body gets tired, and my mind's trapped in it while it takes 6-8 hours recuperating every night.

jk (just kidding)

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:36 AM

*ahem*

S T I L L

F U C K I N G

W A I T I N G

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:39 AM

hvmmvs

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 10:42 AM

Can I trade L U L Z Y for "Josh: the Fabulous F5er!" ? I kind of like it.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 11:13 AM

iPods

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 11:24 AM

I guess CK really is gone.

;_; <( y u du dis? )

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 11:46 AM

QQ: What does that Van Halen picture have to do with Valentine's Day, or any of the listed acts? Thnx.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 12:42 PM

LCD was special

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 4:39 PM

Reflecting on this interchange I don't even think CO)))ttaging Kielbasa is a sausage at all.

He just likes to argue with other men, late at night.

You think that ... nah probably not ... I mean, that would be ...

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:22 PM

^ Hey, wait a minute......

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 5:51 PM

pray 4 lcd

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 6:14 PM

when I wake up in the afternoon, I do a bong hit and eat some hummus.

Posted by Anonymous | February 15, 2014 8:48 PM

So Cookie Puss just walked away, threw in the towel? I thought he was trying to make some point. Well, your not going to make your point if you just go on ahead and give up, now are you? A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits. So I guess we're back to square 1 then? OK, let's take it from the top ....

What the fuck is up with these sausages anyway?

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 12:16 AM

last

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 12:53 AM

3:00/5:09/7:21am = the return of aggrobro

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 1:09 AM

FUCK YOU SAUSAGE. YOU ARE UGLY AND I HATE YOU ALL!!!

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 5:08 AM

"Old McDimebag Had A Sausage"

Dimebag Darrel was a sausage. E I E I O
And in Saint Vitus He Sucked Some Sausage E I E I O

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 5:10 AM

5:10 HOLY CRAP!

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 5:07 PM

lol Sausage CK lol

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 7:19 PM

With a sausage here, and a sausage there
Here a squirt, there a squirt,
Everywhere a squirt squirt

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 7:57 PM

BUKKAKE !

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 8:00 PM

^

What's your point sausage lover?

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 9:29 PM

"Old McDimebag Had A Sausage"

Dimebag Darrel was a sausage. E I E I O
And in Saint Vitus He Sucked Some Sausage E I E I O

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 9:29 PM

"Overall, the authors found that the relationship between sadism and trolling was the strongest, and that indeed, sadists appear to troll because they find it pleasurable."

L U L Z


Is this a revelation to anyone? Right and wrong are human constructs that don't actually exist. Machiavellianism, narcissism, psychopathy, direct sadism, and vicarious sadism only have a negative connotation if you're the one suffering on the receiving end of it. Only the strong survive.

"The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt."

^ This is just code for the kind of weak mindedness that would label anything "beautiful and pure" in the first place. Only the hideously imperfect & corruptible are capable of being even further disfigured & corrupted. If it can be destroyed it should be destroyed. This is the ultimate truth of natural order. I'm just it's humble servant. Faggot.


I miss you already, CK.


;_;

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 9:51 PM

"Old McDimebag Had A Sausage"

Dimebag Darrel was a sausage. E I E I O
And in Saint Vitus He Sucked Some Sausage E I E I O

Posted by TROLL 2 | February 16, 2014 10:09 PM

^sounds like somebody's been cutting and pasting black metal manifestos...

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:09 PM

Metal fans are the ugliest fucks i ever seen. 5'4" little dick sucking trolls. Go to hell all of you ugly stupid dumb idiots...............................

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:21 PM

How's your taint?

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:22 PM

I want to offer 10:21PM a book deal.

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:24 PM

my dad owns a BMW motherfucker.

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:33 PM

Yet you can't afford a comma, 10:33.

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:38 PM

my dad owns a BMW motherfucker.

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:40 PM

I look at the time stamps on some of these and it makes me pretty sad that this is what some people were left to entertain themselves with on Valentine's Day. May you find love and companionship, oh lonely trolls.

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 10:48 PM

^ The only person I've ever loved or ever deemed worthy of love is me. Bothers you, doesn't it?

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 11:03 PM

mon papa possède un enculé de BMW

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 11:20 PM

10:48 got out his spreadsheet on a beautiful Sunday afternoon and did a statistical analysis of the timestamps on a Metal thread on a music blog.

And who doesn't have a life?

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 11:37 PM

FUCK YOU UGLY SAUSAGE! Go play dungeons and dragons you stupid shit! I HATE YOU!!!

Posted by Anonymous | February 16, 2014 11:47 PM

I agree with the verbose metal head that the guy who keeps typing sausage is here because no one IRL will pay attention to him anymore. Sorta sad but he's such an insufferable prick I get why he's ignored.

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014 12:12 AM

^ You must have less of a life if you take the time to comment upon some fucking internet troll.

And before you retort that I commented on the commenter, here's my final answer: Fuck You!

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014 12:21 AM

^ And yet you just paid attention to him. Oh damn, that stings doesn't it? Stings Like A ZING!

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014 12:26 AM

Sausage guy > iPods guy

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014 12:40 AM

vinyl vs cd vs flac

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014 12:42 AM

raise your hand if you are mentally ill

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014 1:26 AM

"Old McDimebag Had A Sausage"

Dimebag Darrel was a sausage. E I E I O
And in Saint Vitus He Sucked Some Sausage E I E I O

Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2014 1:33 AM

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